dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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