Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize