dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
