whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
