Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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