girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This is the high leading the old right now
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
