hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
