I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
