Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize