she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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