So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My cat gives me a boner
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
