Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize