Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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