what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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