I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
