wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
