He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
