he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
