Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
