someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
