so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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