I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
