If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
