is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
