I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
