I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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