im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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