K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
