Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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