i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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