No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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