My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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