I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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