sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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