Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
