i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
