we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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