I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
