Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
