Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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