You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
