So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
