Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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