I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
