Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You ruined the universe
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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