why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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