; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize