your room smells of hookers.
And success
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
