I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
