I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
