We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
