he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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