My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
