so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
