OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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