I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
