I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
