She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
