there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
