I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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