I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
