Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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