If you die in college, do you die in real life?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
