Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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