The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
