i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
