Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
