Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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