will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
