6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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